How Do you Handle Difficult Seasons - Part 4, God keeps performing miracles!

This is continuation of my series on Handling Difficult Situations. For Part 3 click here.

“I have the strength within me to get through this.”

– FALSE.

"It's not what happens to you. It's what you do with what happens to you.” - Coach Phillip Fulmer

“God is more concerned about what is happening in me than what is happening to me.” – Christopher R. Bear

Like players on a football field, we are going to get knocked down in life. We can count on it! Who will lift us up? The foundation you have built for yourself, the people in your support system, and where you look for your strength answers the question. Some people believe their strength comes from within. Many people claim the power within their inner-self is enough to overcome life’s challenges and if you can’t find it, you need to search harder. I can make personal choices on how to approach a situation mentally, choosing to focus on positive thoughts. Not gonna lie. In past situations, I’ve tried to face rough patches on my own, through my own strength, without admitting that I do need God’s help. It didn’t work out for me. I would feel guilty that I was not tough enough to deal with things on my own. I felt weak, helpless and lost. I would turn to other people to help me, but often times, it wasn’t enough. For me personally, I can say, when life sucks, the most effective way I’ve dealt with difficult times has been when I’ve relied on a power that comes from something greater than myself. I know there will be times in life when I cannot stand alone. I will need the help and support of others God has put in my path and I will have to for my strength and hope to come from God. My belief and relationship with God gives me hope and access to a power that can accomplish anything. I cannot imagine going through something like with without my faith in God to carry me through.

I can do all this through him who gives me strength. Philippians 4:13

Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us, to him be glory in the church and in Christ Jesus throughout all generations, for ever and ever! Amen. Ephesians 3:20-21

"I have told you these things, so that in me you may have peace. In this world you will have trouble. But take heart! I have overcome the world." John 16:33

I’m the type that likes to have a plan for everything. Having a plan gives me a sense of security and control over a situation. But, when my plan-train jumps off of the tracks, I freak out. Fear of the unknowns and “what-ifs” can eat me alive. I start to think of all of the things that could potentially happen and try to come up with plans for non-existent problems. In other words, I worry. I feel lost when I don’t know what is next. My comfortable sense of security and control goes out the window. When I get to that point, I’m reminded that I am not in control of the world around me. But, I remember I have access to a higher power that can see me through that has overcome the world, who gives in ways the world cannot.

Guess what? God has recently done something AGAIN that is greater that I could ever imagine or know to ask for. Through one of the online Tarlov Cyst support groups, I began to develop strong relationships with three Christian women. We have prayed, encouraged, and supported each other through this horrible disease and process months before we had our initial consultations with the neurosurgeon in Dallas. Our appointments were weeks and months apart. Surgery is usually scheduled based on your consultation date. For example, there were 23 people ahead of me.

At first, I found out one friend in Jacksonville was going to be having surgery the day before me. She is two years younger than me with two young girls. We were so excited to know we wouldn't be alone and would have a friend there. But, the blessings didn’t stop there. Another who is a part of our close circle has been like a mother-figure to me and told me. She lives in South Florida and called me a few weeks ago and said, "You won't believe when my surgery date is. The 13th." I thought she was pulling my leg. "No, seriously, it's the 13th!" That is the SAME day as mine! So, that to me was God putting the whipped cream and the cherry on top. But, He didn't stop there!! We are also very close to other sweet lady in Phoenix Arizona. She began to have complications with her cysts due to a botched procedure and she needs surgery ASAP. We prayed for her. Guess when her surgery is? The 11th! We are all going to be in the hospital at the same time!!! Guess what else? There are MANY hotels in the area. But, we are all going to be in the same hotel together for 10 days!!!! There will even be another lady there from my home state of Tennessee too! This is God continuing to show me, "I am going to take care of you. I am going to show you, I can beat all odds and nothing is too great for me. I love you and am going to give you blessings beyond what you could ever imagine or even know to ask for." He did just that!!! The odds of that happening were so rare, I didn't even ask for that because it would be nearly impossible for us all to be there with all of the ladies I am so close to. He not only put the whipped cream and cherry on top but he added the sprinkles too!!! I'm so excited I get to meet this group of women. We have all been so close to each other. I'm flabbergasted. We all are. God is good. He is faithful and always provides for those who trust in Him.

My main concern about flying to Dallas was that we would be alone. My mother has been through every major life event I've had and I just couldn't imagine going through this without her there. She has always been my best friend, my encourager, my spiritual adviser, the one I go to for wisdom and advice. But there was no way my parents could make the trip and take care of the boys too. I didn't know if I could go through this without her there beside me. But, God took care of that for me too. He put these women in my life and is going to take care of that need for me. We will be there among friends. Not just any friends, but strong women of faith who can fulfill the same roles that I seek from my mother.

How do you approach life? Is it about what you can get out of it or about giving to something greater than yourself? I’ll be honest. I’m guilty of the first. I can’t see beyond my own circumstances sometimes. But, things work out better when I ask God how He wants to use me for His greater purpose instead of mine. Who will lift you up when you fall? What are you going to do when the bad seasons hit? This year, my New Years Resolution is to remember to turn to God when things get rough.

How Do You Handle Difficult Seasons. Part 3 - True or False

Continuing on in the series of difficult seasons, here is another phrase we commonly hear and contemplate. Is it True or False? These are just my opinions. Always subject to change as does my walk with Christ.

“That which does not kill me makes me stronger.”

-          TRUE 

At some point in everyone's life, we will face a challenge where we say, "God I can't handle this." In the midst of the darkness, we can’t see through the clouds. In the middle of suffering, it can be reassuring and both annoying to hear it "will make us stronger." But, after the storm, the clouds go away and we can see clearly. During the storm, our faith is tested. But, through that storm, we grow. The unfortunate part is that growth is not an instant process. Just as we grow from children to adults, it takes time. And it’s on God’s timeline, not our own.

·       We don’t yet see things clearly. We’re squinting in a fog, peering through a mist. But it won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright! We’ll see it all then, see it all as clearly as God sees us, knowing him directly just as he know us!  - 1 Corinthians 13:12

·       But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. That is why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.  – 2 Cor 12:9 - 10

·       … but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing that suffering produces endurance, and endurance produces character, and character produces hope, according to his purpose – Psalm 41:3

·        After you have suffered for a little while, the God of all grace, who called you to His eternal glory in Christ, will Himself perfect, confirm, strengthen and establish you. To Him be dominion forever and ever. Amen. – 1 Peter 5:10-11

·       “the testing of your faith develops perseverance. Perseverance must finish its work so that you may be mature and complete, not lacking anything” James 1:3-4

There are several things that jump out at me from those verses above. “It won’t be long before the weather clears and the sun shines bright.” My storm will not last forever. “My power is made perfect in weakness.” God’s work within us is seen the most when he transforms weakness into strength. “suffering produces endurance…character…hope.”  When we go through storms in life, we grow. Testing our faith produces “perseverance.” But, that perseverance won’t finish until we are “mature and complete.” In other words, God will continue to work in us on His timeline, not our own, until He is finished accomplishing what He wants to within us. During our storms, tornadoes, hurricanes, tsunamis, whatever you want to call them, we might question God. We might wonder if He has turned His back on us because we may not see or feel Him at that time. But we must remember that no matter what, God’s hand is still with us and His power makes us strong! We are not alone in our growth process. He wraps His loving arms around us and carries us when we cannot walk. 

Many of us have heard the phrase, "God will never give you more than you can handle." As far as I've been able to tell, that popular phrase isn't anywhere in the Bible and I'm pretty certain it's not. It leaves out an important factor. We aren't meant to handle "more" alone. I think the truth is, the things that do not kill us, CAN  kill us without God. If we don't turn to God and ask for His strength to endure it, we may not get through it. God does promise us many times that He will never leave us and that, through Him, we can become stronger and overcome the world. 

• He gives power to the faint, and to him who has no might he increases strength. Isaiah 40:29

• Indeed, we felt that we had received the sentence of death. But that was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead. 2 Cor 1:9

There is a verse that relates to what temptations God will allow to test our faith. But, this refers to sin, a choice, rather than trials, something we have no choice over. 

• Therefore let him who thinks he stands take heed that he does not fall. No temptation has overtaken you but such as is common to man; and God is faithful, who will not allow you to be tempted beyond what you are able, but with the temptation will provide the way of escape also, so that you will be able to endure it. 1 Corinthians 10:13

I can look back at any times in my life, where I have weathered storms. I wish my current self could travel back in time and tell my old self, "You are going to be o.k. You WILL get through this."  The things that have not killed me, have made me stronger through the power and provision of God.

Tune in for part 4 of this series. 

A Great Morning

I just had to say, I've had one of the best 4 days in 6 months today. There has been no rhyme or reason for it. I've done nothing differently. I woke up without pain, was able to eat downstairs and watch a movie, then wrap some Christmas presents. I had ZERO pain until around 3:30. At most, the afternoon is when I reach the point where I can't tolerate my pain, not when it starts.

I found out that my Sunday School class prayed for me this morning. The half of the day without any pain is a miracle in and of itself and I am so thankful for the time I was allotted to resume normal life activities. I can only attribute this blessing to the power of prayer. It works! Thank you Lord!

Shut up and Ride the Pig

Piriformis Steroid Injection (Round 2)

The last steroid injection I had into my right piriformis muscle was awesome...for the 3 days it lasted. But, oh, how nice those three days were! I returned to the pain management doctor this week and asked if he could try it again. Maybe another dose, a different steroid, crossing his fingers while inserting the needle? You know, anything to see if it might work longer. Well, this time, the results were . . . nothing.

I was skeptical as soon as I woke up from the anesthesia and put my foot on the ground. The lidocain in the injection offers some temporary relief. Last time, when I walked out of the doctor's office, I could tell something was wonderfully different. Unfortunately, I didn't have that same relief signal this time. I (im)patiently waited for it to kick in, because it can take a few days. However, no relief ever came. So, yeah, I'm a little bummed out. I was expecting at least the same pain relief that I had from my last one. Those high expectations in my head, lead to disappointment.

The doctor did give me another dosage on the new pain medication he wants to switch me to, Nucynta. The 100mg definitely works! No questions about it. Forgive me if I slur my typing.

Like I have said, the nature of this disease is it's unpredictable character. What used to make sense, doesn't anymore. I used to be able to predict that I would have pain after such and such activity or amount of time. I usually, around 70% of the time, feel my best in the mornings. But, when the weather changes, or if I've gone to an appointment, I might wake up with it the next day. Good Morning Gorgeous. Used to be, as the day would go on, I would find myself hitting an intolerable peak around 3:00 or 4:00 in the afternoon, at which time I had to take my pain medication. However, this past week, the pain decided that we weren't spending enough time together. He made the executive decision to rearrange our schedule without telling me. Rude!! Rather than meeting our typical time, around 3:00 or 4:00 pm, he just randomly showed up at lunch time and informed me that we would now be seeing each other earlier and spending the rest of the day and evening together. I'm feeling a little stifled and smothered in this relationship. I think we are moving way too fast and I'd like some space. I've dropped hints but he just doesn't get it and now he won't go away.

Why the increase in time span, aside from the fact that I have an irresistible magnetic personality? I have no idea. I haven't done anything different. Sure, the weather is cold and that can impact my inflammation, but it hasn't been as crazy sketchy. No rhyme or reason to it.

This week I was incredibly blessed by a sweet friend from church. She came over Wednesday morning and brought lots of goodies. She brought me a peppermint mocha from Starbucks (Oh, I miss those. I used to get them everyday after I dropped my youngest off at preschool,) and an awesome pastry. She also brought us a fabulous dinner of soup with homemade mini cheddar muffins and some cupcakes for dessert! She even insisted on helping by cleaning our kitchen. I am still having a hard time accepting that I am at the point where I do need help from people outside of my family circle. But, for the sake of my husband and family, I've started saying yes when someone offers.  The best part of her visit was that she came and sat in bed with me and we chatted for awhile over our coffee. Face to face socialization is a scarce commodity these days. A friend who will come sit with you in bed is super cool.

I'm not just dealing with physical pain. I'm also combating my fear of the pain. I am terrified to do anything that might aggravate it. It definitely worsens with activity and feels better when I'm lying down, which is typical for people who have Tarlov Cyst Disease. (Pain when walking, sitting, standing.)  Exercise, physical therapy, and moving around doesn't help TCs. It makes the pain worse. Resting = less pain. So, don't go telling anyone with TCs, "Maybe if you exercise it would help." Or, "Maybe you just need to walk outside some." "Have you tried a chiropractor?" "Have you tried physical therapy?"  "Have you tried stretches?"  Thank you for the intention of trying to help, But, please people. Stop. I know about my disease. I know my body. I know what I want from life and sitting in my bed all day isn't it.

Because I know activity will worsen my pain, I don't even get out of bed unless it's a necessity. I will only get up for things such as bathing, going to the bathroom, grabbing some food or a drink, or helping my oldest with a quick something. Doctor appointments and Aquatherapy days (I've already missed 2 ATs because I couldn't go) scare me to death and cause me quite a bit of anxiety. Not because I'm afraid of needles or whatever, but because I am afraid of that dark black cloud, looming over my head that just can't wait to pour a monsoon of pain upon me. We have a mini-fridge in our upstairs bathroom and a cabinet where I can store and stash snacks and food. When I'm hurting very badly, if I haven't eaten lunch and I'm starving, I will choose the starving over having to go downstairs and fix myself something to eat. (Yes, for real). So, the unhealthy quick and easy grab meals (like lunchables) are what I eat when I'm at home by myself during the day.

For people who have never experienced chronic pain on an intense level, this is probably hard to understand or believe. But, it's real I tell ya. I find strength through connecting via Facebook with my other TC friends from around the world. They share the same pain and understand. They also live with a giant anvil dangling over their heads by a piece of dental floss. The chord will most certainly break and the anvil will hit you, but you just don't know when it's going to happen.

So, I guess I'll just have to settle for pain medication. Steroid Injections are not looking like a helpful alternative, as much as I wanted them to. I forgot something very important this time. Don't have any expectations. I'm going to have to prepare myself mentally for the same attitude towards surgery. Don't have any or you'll get disappointed. Don't have any and you might be surprised. I was hoping for a pony, but I got a pig. So, I'll just have to take what gets handed to me and ride along.

I have a date!

Last week I got a call from Peg at Dr. Feigenbaum's office and we have the green light from my insurance to proceed with surgery!  For the past two months, I've tried to put it out of my mind and forget about getting that call. Otherwise, I'd be driving myself crazy waiting. It was a great surprise. Then, this past week, the nurse Katie called and scheduled my surgery! It will be January 13th.

We booked our flights for the 12th - 22nd, our hotel and our car. We should be good to go! We booked an extended stay hotel with a kitchenette and living room for more space. I have three special friends in Dallas I can't wait to see again. Two cysters from Dallas and a childhood friend. I also found out some great news. Another cyster I have bonded with online from Jacksonville has her surgery scheduled the day before me! She is only two years younger than me and has two young daughters. My oldest and her youngest are only 3 months apart! Our follow up appointments are even on the same day! It's been great talking to her and we both feel so much stronger knowing we will have a friend there going through the same thing at the same time. We hope to visit each other in the hospital if possible, but we are trying to book the same hotel so we can see each other (even if it means hobbling down the hall on a walker and relaxing in bed) during our recovery period. God is good!

It feels so relieving to finally have a date. Mom will be living at our house with the kids while we are gone and probably for 5 weeks post-op as well. At least since my surgery is before Christmas, I should be able to spend more family time than will be possible after surgery.

More good news. We hired a housekeeper which is a HUGE help. I've had several friends from my son's school, church, and neighborhood offer to bring us meals. They've offered for several months but I've always declined because, while we are getting by right now, it's going to be much worse after surgery and that is when we will need the most help. But, we finally had to admit to ourselves that, yes, we do need help right now. Church friends are going to help bring us some meals once a week. I asked for once a week because I don't want people to get burned out after surgery. Praise God for the wonderful friends and support system He has placed in our lives.

Still working on my part 3 of Difficult Seasons. It's really caused me to pause and reflect on my beliefs and how I handle adversity. Taking some more time than I anticipated but I promise it's still coming!

Thank you friends who have been keeping up with me and continuing to pray for me and my family.