Shut up and Ride the Pig

Piriformis Steroid Injection (Round 2)

The last steroid injection I had into my right piriformis muscle was awesome...for the 3 days it lasted. But, oh, how nice those three days were! I returned to the pain management doctor this week and asked if he could try it again. Maybe another dose, a different steroid, crossing his fingers while inserting the needle? You know, anything to see if it might work longer. Well, this time, the results were . . . nothing.

I was skeptical as soon as I woke up from the anesthesia and put my foot on the ground. The lidocain in the injection offers some temporary relief. Last time, when I walked out of the doctor's office, I could tell something was wonderfully different. Unfortunately, I didn't have that same relief signal this time. I (im)patiently waited for it to kick in, because it can take a few days. However, no relief ever came. So, yeah, I'm a little bummed out. I was expecting at least the same pain relief that I had from my last one. Those high expectations in my head, lead to disappointment.

The doctor did give me another dosage on the new pain medication he wants to switch me to, Nucynta. The 100mg definitely works! No questions about it. Forgive me if I slur my typing.

Like I have said, the nature of this disease is it's unpredictable character. What used to make sense, doesn't anymore. I used to be able to predict that I would have pain after such and such activity or amount of time. I usually, around 70% of the time, feel my best in the mornings. But, when the weather changes, or if I've gone to an appointment, I might wake up with it the next day. Good Morning Gorgeous. Used to be, as the day would go on, I would find myself hitting an intolerable peak around 3:00 or 4:00 in the afternoon, at which time I had to take my pain medication. However, this past week, the pain decided that we weren't spending enough time together. He made the executive decision to rearrange our schedule without telling me. Rude!! Rather than meeting our typical time, around 3:00 or 4:00 pm, he just randomly showed up at lunch time and informed me that we would now be seeing each other earlier and spending the rest of the day and evening together. I'm feeling a little stifled and smothered in this relationship. I think we are moving way too fast and I'd like some space. I've dropped hints but he just doesn't get it and now he won't go away.

Why the increase in time span, aside from the fact that I have an irresistible magnetic personality? I have no idea. I haven't done anything different. Sure, the weather is cold and that can impact my inflammation, but it hasn't been as crazy sketchy. No rhyme or reason to it.

This week I was incredibly blessed by a sweet friend from church. She came over Wednesday morning and brought lots of goodies. She brought me a peppermint mocha from Starbucks (Oh, I miss those. I used to get them everyday after I dropped my youngest off at preschool,) and an awesome pastry. She also brought us a fabulous dinner of soup with homemade mini cheddar muffins and some cupcakes for dessert! She even insisted on helping by cleaning our kitchen. I am still having a hard time accepting that I am at the point where I do need help from people outside of my family circle. But, for the sake of my husband and family, I've started saying yes when someone offers.  The best part of her visit was that she came and sat in bed with me and we chatted for awhile over our coffee. Face to face socialization is a scarce commodity these days. A friend who will come sit with you in bed is super cool.

I'm not just dealing with physical pain. I'm also combating my fear of the pain. I am terrified to do anything that might aggravate it. It definitely worsens with activity and feels better when I'm lying down, which is typical for people who have Tarlov Cyst Disease. (Pain when walking, sitting, standing.)  Exercise, physical therapy, and moving around doesn't help TCs. It makes the pain worse. Resting = less pain. So, don't go telling anyone with TCs, "Maybe if you exercise it would help." Or, "Maybe you just need to walk outside some." "Have you tried a chiropractor?" "Have you tried physical therapy?"  "Have you tried stretches?"  Thank you for the intention of trying to help, But, please people. Stop. I know about my disease. I know my body. I know what I want from life and sitting in my bed all day isn't it.

Because I know activity will worsen my pain, I don't even get out of bed unless it's a necessity. I will only get up for things such as bathing, going to the bathroom, grabbing some food or a drink, or helping my oldest with a quick something. Doctor appointments and Aquatherapy days (I've already missed 2 ATs because I couldn't go) scare me to death and cause me quite a bit of anxiety. Not because I'm afraid of needles or whatever, but because I am afraid of that dark black cloud, looming over my head that just can't wait to pour a monsoon of pain upon me. We have a mini-fridge in our upstairs bathroom and a cabinet where I can store and stash snacks and food. When I'm hurting very badly, if I haven't eaten lunch and I'm starving, I will choose the starving over having to go downstairs and fix myself something to eat. (Yes, for real). So, the unhealthy quick and easy grab meals (like lunchables) are what I eat when I'm at home by myself during the day.

For people who have never experienced chronic pain on an intense level, this is probably hard to understand or believe. But, it's real I tell ya. I find strength through connecting via Facebook with my other TC friends from around the world. They share the same pain and understand. They also live with a giant anvil dangling over their heads by a piece of dental floss. The chord will most certainly break and the anvil will hit you, but you just don't know when it's going to happen.

So, I guess I'll just have to settle for pain medication. Steroid Injections are not looking like a helpful alternative, as much as I wanted them to. I forgot something very important this time. Don't have any expectations. I'm going to have to prepare myself mentally for the same attitude towards surgery. Don't have any or you'll get disappointed. Don't have any and you might be surprised. I was hoping for a pony, but I got a pig. So, I'll just have to take what gets handed to me and ride along.