Before I got to see Dr. Feigenbum in Texas, of course I
began to have doubts. Even though I had seen God working through this and
pointing me in this direction, I would have moments when I questioned if this was
the right thing to do. My friend Anne told me, “You’re faith will be tested
through this. Satan will try to put doubts in your mind an you have to be ready
for that.” That was some of the best
advice I’ve had as of yet.
When I would have doubts or fears, God would find a way
to tell me, “Trust me. I’ve got this.” MANY times, I would just RANDOMLY plop
open my Bible and some random verse would speak to me that was totally unique
to my situation. That is one way God speaks to us. Through His word. If it wasn’t
that, another Christian friend would randomly call me and offer scriptures or
words of encouragement, even before I would tell them my thoughts. God speaks
to us through other believers. He leads them to say things to us when they don’t
even know why. Sorry skeptics. These aren’t coincidences. When you experience
the Holy Spirit speaking to you, you have no doubt in your mind. It is an
experience on a spiritual level similar to having the feeling of someone punching
you in your gut. Sometimes you become overwhelmed by the Holy Spirit and cry. I
hope those who seek Him with all of their heart can have these same
experiences.
Here are the words that God has spoken to me.
Philippians 4:19
And my God will supply every need of yours according to
his riches in glory in Christ Jesus.
God had been
showing me how He had set this stage and provided for us before he knew it was
coming. God has supplied our needs before we even had a chance to ask for them.
He had set up the money, given Michael a new job that is flexible and
understanding, and provided us with new insurance.
And we know that for those who love God all things work
together for good, for those who are called. Romans 8:28
Yeah, this
situation sucks. But, God is going to make something good come from it. I don’t
understand it or know what it is yet, but He has a plan.
Not only that, but we rejoice in our sufferings, knowing
that suffering produces endurance, 4 and endurance produces character, and
character produces hope, according to his purpose. Psalm 41:3
Heck yeah it does!
That which does not kill me makes me stronger!
The Lord sustains him on his sickbed;
in his illness you restore him to full health.
So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed,
for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with
my righteous right hand.
God will give me
the strength to get through this. He will restore me, even if that means my
spirit. He’s telling me, don’t be afraid of what you are facing.
Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ,
the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our
tribulation, that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with
the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted by God.
2 Corinthians 1:3-4
Yep. God’s comfort
is with me. He’s slapping me around pretty good telling me He’s here.
But he said to me, “My grace is sufficient for you, for
my power is made perfect in weakness.” Therefore I will boast all the more
gladly about my weaknesses, so that Christ’s power may rest on me. 10 That is
why, for Christ’s sake, I delight in weaknesses, in insults, in hardships, in
persecutions, in difficulties. For when I am weak, then I am strong.
Yep, I definitely
have weaknesses. I am not a perfect person. I’m not a perfect Christian. But,
God loves to take people’s weaknesses and transform them into strengths.
Seriously, it’s much harder to turn a weakness around. It’s a demonstration of
God’s power. Therefore, I’m going to be thankful that I am going through this hardship
and difficulty. Why? Because I know I am too weak to get through this on my
own. But, God is strong enough to pick me up and carry me. And why would I be
thankful for having this nasty mean disease? Because it’s revitalized my faith
and brought me closer to God. It’s easier to do that when things go wrong and
we need help. But, we can remember these times in the future when God's presence was unquestionable.
"The gracious hand of our God is on everyone who
looks to him, but his great anger is against all who forsake him. So we fasted
and petitioned our God about this and he answered our prayer." Ezra
8:22-23.
I was doubting God’s plan in this, even though He was pointing me in the direction towards Dr. Feigenbaum with a giant neon sign. I had stuck a paper in my Bible to pray for my friends. Ok, I’ll be honest. I don’t usually read the Old Testament. But, when I opened my Bible, the first thing I saw was that verse.
What was he telling
me? God’s hand is on me. I’ve prayed. He is going to answer my prayers. Watch
it happen friends!
“And you, son of man, do not be afraid of them or their
words. Do not be afraid, through briers and thorns are all around you and you
live among scorpions. Do not be afraid of what they say or terrified by
them.”
Here are some
others that I found that were encouraging to me:
Because of the Lord’s great love we are not consumed. For
his compassions never fail. They are new every morning great is your
faithfulness. I say to myself “The Lord is my portion therefore I will wait for
him.” The Lord is good to those whose
hope is in him, to the one who seeks him; Lamentations 3:22-25
For men are not cast off by the Lord forever. Though he brings grief, he will show compassion, so great is his unfailing
love. For he does not willingly bring affliction or grief
to the children of men. Lamentations 3:31-33
Which of you, if his son asks for bread, will you give
him a stone? Or if he asks for a fish, will give him a snake? If you then,
though you are evil, know how to give people gifts to your children, how much
more will your Father in heaven give good gifts to those we ask him!? Matthew 8:9-1
Why would God give
me a stone when I’m asking for bread? He was telling me, “I’m not going to do
that to you Natalie.’
Psalms 46:1 God is our strength and refuge, and ever
present help in trouble.
I was anxious and nervous about the pain management doctor who was going to do my caudal epidural steroid injection. While I was praying, the words “Strength” and “Refuge” popped into my head. I feel like He was telling me to look up this verse:
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